You’ve had a knot in your stomach for years. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to figure out what he needs. Why can’t he be happy? Why does he think so negatively? Why is he shrouded in darkness all the time? Will it ever get any better than this?
As a parent, it’s vital that your answer to yourself is YES! And don’t ever let “yes!” go!
If you don’t see the path forward that includes optimism, happiness, social norms, emotional regularity, mental clarity, futuristic vision, and stability in introspection, how will your son or daughter ever feel like it’s possible? You can’t give up.
His or her life depends on it.
Suicide is the result of no hope.
Suicide is the result of social pressures, influences, and attitudes overcoming individual self worth.
Suicide is the result of a life that collapses under the weight that comes from self hate.
Suicide is the result of being so heavily burdened by failure, ugliness, and consistently feeling undesirable in every community that he or she wishes, or longs to be a part of, that in order to get rid of that weight it seems like it’s a lot easier to just get rid of himself or herself.
So before you even begin to accept the idea that your endless suffering and limitless sacrificing might be over if your child were to act on his or her ideations let me paint you a real picture.
Suicide is horrible. It’s gut wrenching pain.
It’s a 120 mph head on collision that leaves unrecognizably mangled up metal, plastic, rubber and glass. The smells, the sights, the sounds. The only one that gets to escape the pain of the aftermath will be your son, the driver, the only one that actually died. Everyone else in the car gets to spend the next 6 months in Critical Condition, barely grasping on to life, not sure if their own existence is worth it anymore.
You get what I’m saying?
So if you’re tired, if you’re exhausted, if you’re unbelievably spent from all of the worrying, stressing, anxiety and even your own depression that has come as a result of feeling so responsible for the health of your child and failing miserably, then let me be the first to give you permission.
Permission to do what?
I’m giving you permission to admit something that you’ve been denying.
You can’t control your child into happiness and health.
That’s what you’ve been doing right? You feel like your worrying is protecting him. You feel like your fear is building up walls to help him stay alive. You feel like if you just keep focusing on his pain and his challenges all the time and try to just come up with a solution, that all of these problems will go away right?
Mental illness doesn’t work the way we think it does.
Mental illness doesn’t go away.
Mental illness is a disease. And it’s not your fault that your child has this disease. It’s not his or her fault either.
So you have my permission to admit that you don’t have the Power to control this situation away. Accept that his fate is out of your hands. Accept that he may have this illness for the rest of his life. Accept it. Admit that you are powerless to control it.
Only after you admit that, can you finally be of real help to your kid. ( I use the term kid to include your children long into their mid-life years, because in your mind, they’ll always be your kid right?).
Once that burden is permitted to go, what does that leave behind?
It’s like being dealt a whole new hand. Your first hand was nothing but 2’s, 3’s, and 4’s. Your new hand has an Ace of Spades, two kings, a Queen and a Jack.
Letting go of your need to control the situation and it’s outcome has given you options.
All the options will help you see that the future has many possible roads, and that there are plenty of chances for happiness, hope, and peace.
You may be surprised by what happens next.
From here you can unconditionally love. You can support. You can listen without fear or judgment about what you hear, or what it means. You don’t have to understand it. You just need to be there, full of love, hope, and optimism about where you and your child are headed — UP!
Hey everybody- Aaron here, founder of Suicide Sucks. I’m writing this article for a friend of mine that has been struggling for years under the weight of her son’s mental illnes. I just want her to know that I admire her, and boy do I look up to her for her strength and stamina, because it’s literally been years of anxiety, worry, and fear of losing her boy. I’m hoping I can give this article to her as a way of supporting her efforts, strengthening her feeble hands, and lifting her lowered gaze. I just want you to know there’s hope, and I know that because I feel it as I consider how much love I have for you and your son. Hopefully I can pass a bit of this feeling over to you through this article.
If you know a parent with a struggling child, please forward them this article so they can be strengthened by it as well.